Published: May 15, 2008 08:13 pm         

Answers don't go with the questions

The other morning my wife told our 10-year-old daughter, Emma, that because her school was holding its annual track meet, Emma needed to take a extra sweatshirt and a pair of sweat pants to school with her.

“You might get cold,” is what my wife said.

Emma said she would and then returned her full attention to a “Saved by the Bell” rerun. I think it was the one where Screech did something stupid. Or maybe it was the one where Zack did something sort of sneaky. Anyway, as a veteran parent, I was pretty sure that Emma was going to forget to take a hooded sweatshirt and a pair of sweat pants. Call it a hunch.

My wife had the same hunch, so she made Emma divert her attention from the “Saved by the Bell” rerun long enough to go upstairs and get a sweatshirt and a pair of sweat pants.

Later, my wife walked through the kitchen and gently reminded Emma not to forget the sweatshirt and sweat pants.

“Yes, Mother,” Emma said in response to my wife’s gentle reminder.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, sometimes I kill myself.

Here’s how the conversation between Emma and my wife actually went:

Wife: Emma, don’t forget your sweatshirt and sweat pants. (Silence) EMMA! (More silence) EMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAA!!!

Emma: WHAT!!!

Wife: I SAID DON’T FORGET YOUR SWEATSHIRT AND SWEAT PANTS.

Emma: I WON’T. GOSH!!!!

Later, after I dropped Emma off at school and was walking into our house, our phone rang.

Me: Hello.

Emma: Dad. It’s me, Emma.

Me: I know, I just typed your name in the little dialogue box I like to use.

Emma: What?

Me: Never mind.

Emma: Dad, I forgot my sweatshirt. Can you bring it to me?

Me: Your mom found it. She’s bringing it to you.

Emma: Uh-oh.

I started to hang up the phone, but Emma wasn’t through talking. Emma went on to tell me to tell my wife that when she brought her sweatshirt to school to give it to her friend, Veronica, and not to her. Emma told me that the sweatshirt Veronica was wearing didn’t go with what she was wearing but it did go with what Emma was wearing. Emma also told me that the sweatshirt my wife was going to bring didn’t go with what she was wearing but did go with what Veronica was wearing.

While I was listening to Emma talk, a few questions went through my head. They were (in no particular order):

No. 1: Why did Emma think her mom was going to give her sweatshirt to Veronica?

No. B: Why did Emma think I cared whether or not anybody’s sweatshirt went with anything?

And

No. III: How in the *&%$ could Emma forget her sweatshirt?

I decided that I didn’t have the answer to any of my questions.

But seriously, I’m the old one. I should be having hearing issues. Why is it that Emma seems to have problems hearing things like “Don’t forget your sweatshirt” but doesn’t have problems hearing things like “The phone is for you”?

And why is it that Emma cares whether her sweatshirt “goes” with what she’s wearing but doesn’t care about what “goes” on the floor of her bedroom?

And why does Emma think I care about anything other than the fact that she forgot to take a sweatshirt to school after her mother told her roughly 8,764 times not to forget it?

And why am I asking you this? I’m pretty sure that if you knew the answer to my questions you would have written a book and right now would be sitting on Oprah’s couch telling her all about it.

All I really know is that my wife took Emma’s sweatshirt to her school and that later, when I stopped by the school to watch the track meet, Emma was wearing Veronica’s sweatshirt.

And really, it looked pretty good with what she was wearing.



Mike Pound writes for The Joplin (Mo.) Globe.